This has, without a doubt, been one of the hardest times of my life; the closest I have come to quitting, and the furthest I have ever pushed myself.

Part of me knew when I took on Lifestyles festival in 2012 – when the old committee all but disbanded – that it was going to be challenging; in fact it’s probably a large factor in the decision to do it in the first place. Plenty of people gave me ample reasons not to, told me how impossible it was and how there were countless hurdles in my way. My favourite discouraging quote around the time we started fundraising efforts, (and one that rattled around my brain at various times) was that I was totally “p*ssing into the wind” when it came to sponsorship…. but I suppose I’m known for being somewhat determined (especially in the face of adversity) and as well as hating to see a good thing fail, I like a good challenge.

But still, nothing I imagined (or had been warned about) even came close to the reality of the challenges of the event…how ridiculous trying to do something like this* is – and how totally and utterly exhausting and but mindblowingly rewarding and brilliant it could be.

In truth, I’m still finding it difficult to process the good, the bad and the ugly happenings in the months leading up to the event the weekend itself and to find the words to express it all. I’m actually still working (pretty hard) on the event now – the follow ups, balancing the books, tying up loose ends and working out where on earth we go from here….

But three things I can tell you for certain; I’m so very glad I did it, so very happy we ‘pulled it off’ and so very confused about what to do next.

I often turn to my blog in times of uncertainty. Sometimes the blog is a pain in the proverbial – like the elephant in the room – my ever-annoying-thing-I-should-have-done (I’ve not posted since July) and sometimes it turns into therapy. I’m turning to it for the latter, and because, as well as explaining myself to myself, I really need to try and record the many and varied feelings I’ve gone (and am going) through; to unpick the past to try to figure out the future.

Bear with me please**.

* organise a free festival for thousands of people, with no money.
** Also a note-to-self.